I couldn't tell you how many times I've seen it ... especially in relationships: One or both go overboard and say or do something "out-of-the-ordinary" ... someone goes overboard and says or does something "they didn't mean". Yes you did. You did mean it. You may not be proud of it, but somewhere deep inside, you did mean it.
Not an accident or a temporary lapse - there's something deeper and darker there that no one wants to admit. Usually, if left undealt with, there's a spell in the relationship where everything seems to have improved - better moods, better communication, more affection, etc. Our first tendency is to believe everything is ok and move on. We behave as if it will just go away. News Flash! It Ain't Fixed Yet!
It will marinate and grow in strength until - KABOOM! Now you've really gone overboard. Now it really is too late.
#1 Gotta deal with it. It's real and not going away on it's own. You own some blame.
#2 Seek guidance. Knowledgeable OUTSIDE counseling. You'll be amazed at what you uncover. Do NOT shy away from this. It must be done before you move on.
#3 Tell your significant other what you are doing and allow them to witness the results. Only then will they be open to taking similar steps themselves. You have to deal with the individual before you deal with the relationship.
#4 Put it in writing. If your relationship is very confrontational and you never seem to finish what you are trying to say, it may be best to put it in writing. This leaves no room for interruptions or your own emotions clouding your purpose. No judgmental or accusatory comments - deal only with YOUR responsibility.
#5 Seek couple's counseling - It's that important to you ... isn't it?
#6 DO NOT LEAVE OUT THE SPIRITUAL SIDE! In order to make a decision or come to a conclusion, you need to consider all pieces of the pie. Unfortunately most people exclude over 50% of the info available to them by shoving the spiritual aspect under the rug. It amazes me how many people are terrified of digging in spiritually. Their decisions will never be correct with this approach. If you do not believe in spiritual things, I'm sorry, you're screwed.
