What one thing determines your child's success more than any other single factor?

If you were asked what one thing determines your child's success at school, with friends, and in life more than any other single factor, what would you answer?

Perhaps you'd say it was down to the quality of education they received, or the type of parenting they were exposed to, or the type of friends they chose. These are responses I get all the time. While they are all good answers, the biggest factor that determines the success of your child is one you may have never heard ... and in about 15 years not one person, out of hundreds (maybe thousands) I've asked, has been able to tell me what it is.


In 1991 Saddam Hussein and his Iraqi army invaded Kuwait, subjected its people to terrible brutality, and poised to attack Saudi Arabia – giving them control of half the world’s oil supply. We demanded Hussein withdraw his forces, but he refused. On January 17th Operation Desert Storm was launched. What do you think was our first objective? Saddam’s tanks? Planes? Soldiers?



No, instead the allies destroyed the Iraq’s communication network with smart bombs and other weapons. The Iraq generals had no way to coordinate their efforts. The war ended a few weeks later.



There is so much relevance here for the family. When the lines of communication break down, family members become “out-of-touch” and distant from each other. When husbands, wives, and siblings stop talking they slip into misunderstanding and resentment. Anger takes over. Emotional walls are built. This spells the beginning of the end.



So many studies have driven home the same point, but one specific example is Dr. Blake Bowden of the Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Center (Marilyn Elias, “Family Dinners Nourish Ties with Teenagers,” USA Today, 18 August 1997). He and his colleagues conducted a study of 527 teenagers to learn what family and lifestyle characteristics were related to mental health and adjustment. What they observed may shock you.



Who were the teenagers least likely to be on drugs, to be depressed, or to be in trouble with the law … the ones more likely to be doing well in school and to be surrounded by “positive”, supportive friends?



Answer: the ones whose parents ate dinner with them five times per week or more.

(Clearly there is power in “breaking bread” together)



Families bring stability and mental health to children, but in America the traditional family has been attacked and is quickly dissolving. In our society, time is hard to come by. However, we show what is most important to us by where we spend our time ... right? The children of parents who have time for them for conversation, interaction, etc. do much better in school and in life. Unfortunately, only one-third of U.S. families eat dinner together most nights.



Sounds too simple huh? You mean to tell me that the one thing that determines my child's success at school, with friends, and in life more than any other single factor is sitting down and eating dinner with the family five times or more per week? YES!



This will not be easy if it’s something you don’t already do, but is anything worth doing ever easy?



Challenge: Start now. Put your foot down and make family dinner MANDATORY.



Warning: It will get worse before it gets better.



Tell me how it goes.